Thursday, March 25, 2010

Wearing your confidence on your sleeve


During a negotiation, projecting confidence is important. A lack of selfconfidence can result in nervousness. If your body language reveals that you are nervous, your counterpart may deem that you’re not secure enough to maintain a strong position in the negotiation. This person may be less inclined to compromise on the terms in an effort to reach an agreement. In addition to making sure that your body language expresses self-assurance, you can also benefit from being able to gauge your counterpart’s confidence level. This awareness of the other party’s strength as a negotiator can help you determine your own goals, limits, opening offers, and attempts to close the deal. Watching body language is the key to assessing your counterpart’s degree of comfort during the negotiation.
Just like children, adults who get nervous tend to fidget in their chairs (although this behavior can also indicate boredom or preoccupation with other matters). Nervous fidgeting can also include putting hands into the mouth, tugging at clothing, jingling change, fiddling with items in a purse, or fondling any personal object. When people are nervous, they often increase their distance from those they are negotiating with. Nervous people frequently verbalize their condition without using words through throat clearing, oral pauses, or guttural sounds. Confident people may place their hands in a steeple position (touching the fingertips of both hands together to form what looks like a church steeple). Sitting up straight and using frequent eye contact also shows confidence. Someone who is confident physically sits on a level slightly higher than anybody else. Propping your feet up is not just an expression of confidence, but an act of claiming territory. If you can put your feet on something, you own it.

Ferreting out boredom


One of the most important body language messages to look for during any conversation, but especially in a negotiation, is an indication of boredom. Looking out the window, holding the head up with one hand, doodling in a way that seems to absorb the doodler’s complete attention, drumming fingers on the table — all these indicate that the listener is no longer paying attention. What should you do if you notice that the other party in your negotiation is showing signs of boredom? People who are losing interest may be shifting in their seats, fidgeting, or pointing their feet toward the exit. Don’t start speaking louder or faster, as you may be tempted to do. Instead, say, “Wait. I need a reality check. I’m sensing that I’m losing you. What’s happening?” And then listen. You may find out what’s really keeping this person or group from accepting your idea. Doing a reality check can save a great deal of time and win you respect as a person who is perceptive and willing to risk hearing the truth. This fact alone makes huge points in your favor during any negotiation.

Seeing a change of heart


Observing how someone is sitting or standing is only the first step in reading body language — after all, people aren’t frozen in time like statues. They move; their positions and gestures change with their attitudes and emotions. Notice these shifts. They are important. They may mean that the person is getting restless, or they may mean a shift
up or down in the person’s acceptance level.
As someone’s acceptance of your ideas grows, you may notice the following indicators:
  • Cocking the head
  • Squinting the eyes slightly
  • Uncrossing the legs
  • Leaning forward
  • Scooting to the edge of the chair
  • Increasing eye contact
  • Touching the forehead or chin, as in the statue The Thinker
  • Touching you (if the movement is to reassure, and not to interrupt) Just as you can gauge increasing acceptance to your ideas by watching body language, you can also notice signs of increasing resistance to your ideas. For example, if someone clutches the back of his neck with his palm, you can interpret this gesture quite literally as, “This message is a pain in the neck.”

Here are some other gestures of resistance:
  • Fidgeting nervously (cannot accept what is being said)
  • Reducing eye contact (cannot accept what is being said)
  • Placing hands behind one’s back (indicates an attempt to stay in control of one’s own self — resisting the urge to act out verbally or physically)
  • Placing a hand over one’s mouth (may indicate an attempt to hold back a negative comment)
  • Locking ankles
  • Gripping one’s arm or wrist
  • Crossing the arms in front of the chest
  • Squinting one’s eyes dramatically
  • Making fistlike gestures
  • Twisting the feet or the entire body so they point to the door