Accept no substitutes

You are listening. You are asking all the right questions at the right time. You are patient. So why aren’t you getting the information you need? One of the following possibilities may exist:

• The person simply doesn’t understand your questions. You might try rephrasing your questions.
• The person simply doesn’t want to answer your questions. Maybe company policy prevents disclosure of the information. Maybe the person feels uncomfortable discussing a particular subject matter. If you believe this is true, make a note and find out the information elsewhere.
• The person is not good at answering questions. The avoidance is not deliberate or devious. Because of bad habits, sloppiness, or laziness, the person neglects to respond to your inquiry. Keep probing.
• The person doesn’t know the answer and is uncomfortable in saying so. If you suspect this, ask if the other person needs time to research the answer.
• The person is a pathological liar. In this case, run. Never negotiate with a liar — you can’t win.

In each of these cases, the result is the same. You are not getting a valuable piece of information. Take the suggested possibilities to get the information

Use your asks wisely

If you’re lucky, the opposing side will answer most of your questions before you ask them. That’s why you shouldn’t spew out your questions like a machine gun. Have patience. Only ask essential questions. If you don’t care about the answer one way or the other, don’t ask. You are granted only so many asks in any conversation. Don’t use them indiscriminately. Every child learns the futility of repeating the question, “Are we there yet?” At a negotiating table, you may never “get there” if you have overstepped the asking line. The consequences: The listener becomes oversensitive to your probing, which often translates into resistance to answering your queries. When someone becomes resistant in one area, they will be resistant in other areas and, therefore, unreceptive to your general position. That’s a high price to pay for asking too many questions.
To become a really good questioner, take some time after a negotiating session to think about the questions you asked. Identify the extraneous questions. Remember that every question should serve a purpose. You’re not looking for damage that was done in that particular negotiation; you’re evaluating the quality of the questions.

Ask again

When a speaker fails to answer your question, you have two choices, depending on the situation.

• Stop everything until you get your answer or a clear acknowledgment that your question will not be answered. Silence can be golden at these opportunities. Most of us are uncomfortable with silence. An individual may feel compelled to answer a difficult question if you remain silent after posing the question. “The next one who speaks loses.”
• Bide your time and ask the question later. If the question was worth asking in the first place, it’s worth asking again. Which of these two techniques you use depends on the situation. If the situation is fast paced and the information you requested is fundamental to decision making, use the first technique.

You can choose the second technique (to bide your time) whenever you know that you’ll have another opportunity to get the information, and you don’t need the information right away. Biding your time is always easier and less confrontational, but if you really need a piece of data, don’t be afraid to say, “Wait, I need to know. . . .” A good way to handle someone who doesn’t answer your question is to make a little joke out of the situation with a statement such as, “You’re leaving me in the dust,” or “I need to catch up.” No matter how serious the subject matter of the negotiation, a little humor never hurts, especially if you don’t spare yourself as a subject of that humor.
If the person makes a little joke back to avoid the question, you may have to shift back to a serious mode. Persevere until you either get an answer to your question or you realize that you must go elsewhere. If the other party isn’t going to answer your question, make a note of that fact so you remember to use other resources to get the answer you need.