“Take it or leave it”

Even when you are making your final offer, presenting the deal as a “take it or leave it” proposition is a mistake. Even if the other side accepts the offer, the deal leaves them feeling bad about the decision. Unbelievably, we have heard of people putting such an unpleasant tag on an offer that was otherwise okay. This label makes the offer sound bad even if the terms are reasonable. If you hear this phrase, evaluate the offer on the merits, not on the way it was delivered. Especially if you are a professional negotiator, figure out if the offer is acceptable based on what you want out of the negotiation. Don’t let a bad negotiating style confuse you. If you are negotiating for yourself, and you must continue working with your counterpart in this deal, you may want to consider whether you can maintain an ongoing relationship with a person who is bullying you with “take it or leave it” statements. If you are making a final offer, say so without using the antagonistic take-it-orleave-it phrase. If you are feeling frustrated and anticipating a refusal, push the pause button (see Chapter 12). When you are feeling that way, it is hard to calmly explain the reasons that this must be the final offer. You are likely to use this verboten phrase (“Take it or leave it”) or something similar. That approach hurts you in the long run because you look like a bully. And you don’t increase the chance of your proposal being accepted.

“I’m going to be honest with you”

So has this person been dishonest all along? This cliché is the cousin to the phrase, “I’m not going to lie to you.” It makes you wonder, “Oh? Would you lie to someone else?”
William Shakespeare’s great line delivered by Queen Gertrude in Hamlet is, “The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” Shakespeare knew a great deal about human nature. When people loudly declare their innocence, they almost always lose credibility. Gertrude says that the Player Queen affirms too insistently to be believed. So those who are always reassuring you about their honesty probably aren’t being very honest with you.

Trust me

This overused term is now the hallmark phrase in motion pictures for the producer who is not to be trusted. People who must say “trust me” are often the very people who don’t deserve to be trusted. When someone says “trust me” as a substitute for providing the specific details you requested, be very cautious. Ask again for a commitment. If the person balks, explain that it’s not a question of trust, but an acknowledgment of the fact that circumstances change. Explain that the agreement must be enforceable, even if the current negotiators are no longer accessible. You want an agreement so clear that you don’t have to trust the other person.