Body language augments rather than replaces the spoken word. The meanings of certain actions or gestures can vary depending on the circumstances and the individual. Consider these examples:
· Sitting erect may indicate a stiff bargaining position, or it may indicate a stiff back. Stay alert to the body language, but combine your observations with the spoken words to determine the correct meaning.
· Gestures of anger are used when a person is genuinely angry; however, these actions can also be employed for effect. Some executives (especially in the entertainment industry) are notorious for using such gestures. But keep in mind that some people are just blustery by nature. Evaluate body language cautiously, just as you do all the other information that comes to you during a negotiation.
Different strokes for different folks
No matter how much you know about body language in general, don’t grow overconfident when applying your knowledge to a specific person — especially someone you don’t know very well. Each individual has unique body language. A child can tell when a parent is really angry, even if the body language that parent uses to indicate serious trouble is the opposite of what the general public uses. For example, although silence usually indicates that a person is calm, some parents clam up when they’re angry. In such families, the children soon learn that silence means real trouble is looming.
Consider the context
As you become more sensitive to body language, you become more conscious of the differences in the meanings of gestures. A clenched fist usually represents anger. Held firmly above the head, it can be a symbol of quiet rage. Pumped up and down, especially if the person is also jumping and squealing, a clenched fist can be an expression of extreme joy.
Prepare for the bluff
Most adults have the art of “faking it” pretty well perfected. People are prone to hide their real feelings in a business setting. Negotiators may display all the signs of accepting a deal, although their true reaction is quite the opposite. When you think the other side is accepting your proposal, try to close the deal. That provides a good check on your reading of the other party’s body language. If you can’t close, what you observed was something other than acceptance. Don’t be fooled the next time you see the same reaction from that person — and keep trying to close.
Smiles are almost always an expression of happiness. However, society sometimes requires a smile when the soul is not happy. The mouth drawn tightly and obligingly back reveals a devotion to duty more than merriment. And a half-smile (one corner of the mouth crooked upward) reveals a wry feeling of superiority — like the smile on the face of the bad guy just before he shoots the good guy in an old Western.
Most of the differences between the body language you see and the intended spirit of the communication are accidental. These differences are generally not the result of a sinister plot. The impact on you will be the same if you are misled. This chapter helps keep you from being misled by body language that is different from the message of the spoken word. When you make such an observation, don’t assume that the other person is intentionally trying to mislead you.
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