Dealing with Your Hot Buttons

Everybody experiences emotions and responses. Just because you are involved in a negotiation doesn’t mean that you’ll remain cool, calm, and collected throughout. In fact, the more important the negotiation is to you on a personal level, the more likely it is to stir up your emotional responses. Of course, sometimes we forget that we have pause buttons — especially when someone else is pushing our buttons. For example, you ask a co-worker to do something, and she responds, “That’s not my job.” Feeling your blood pressure rise, you may be tempted to blurt out, “Well, it’s not mine either, blockhead!”
You may think this, but you needn’t say it. You have a pause button. When you push it, you realize that if you utter your first response, you won’t get the job done and you may alienate the co-worker. (Remember, friends come and go; enemies accumulate.) So instead you say, “I understand.” And you do: The person feels overworked and underpaid — don’t we all? Then you may say, “I know that you’re swamped, but this thing has to get done to meet the deadline. Can you give it any time at all?” And the negotiation begins. Now you have a chance of getting what you want. The ability to respond emotionally is a part of every healthy human being. When you feel emotions welling up inside you, having control means that you choose to use these emotions to your advantage, instead of allowing them to send you to the locker room in defeat or cause you to blow up. This section discusses the emotions that commonly arise in any negotiation — at home or at work — and suggests ways to handle them in yourself and others. To negotiate masterfully, you must stay in control of your emotions. This means having the confidence to take control in the first place and the skill to channel your emotions effectively as the negotiation progresses. You can usually do this — with one exception: when people or situations push your hot buttons. Hot buttons are stimuli that trigger a response of resistance and cause you to be tempted to go out of control.