When you’re buying a used car from a neighbor, you may think that the neighbor doesn’t have a client in the sense that I’m using the word here. But your neighbor wants to make his wife proud of him when he goes home. In this example, the wife is your neighbor’s client, the person whom your opposite number has to please.
In other words, a very personal issue always lurks in the background of every negotiation. You and I and your business partners and your friends and everyone else in the world have someone whom we want to make proud, from whom we want a pat on the back, to whom we have to answer. When you know who that person is and something about him or her, you’re way ahead in helping the person on the other side of the table present the results of the negotiation in the best possible light. Many a time I have made a friend for life and preserved a favorable result by suggesting ways to present the results of our negotiation to that special person.
A quick aside: When negotiating with your teenager, many parents often are frustrated because the teenager truly believes that he or she shouldn’t have to answer to anybody. This attitude sets them temporarily adrift, without the social anchors that you worked so hard to lay all around them. You have no one to go to and nowhere to turn to find an ally because your teen is listening to no one, except perhaps some other teens whom you’re not all that enthusiastic about to begin with.
This lack of a “client” is one of the things that makes negotiating with teenagers so difficult. Forget about negotiating specifics when this happens. Lay your frustrations aside and try to tether that teen somewhere, anywhere, before he or she drifts out to sea. When you want to make an ally out of the person across the table, find out who the real client is and figure out how to make that person happy. Part of your job is to make your counterpart’s job easier. Do that, and you’ll come away with a better result and someone who actually may feel indebted to you.
In other words, a very personal issue always lurks in the background of every negotiation. You and I and your business partners and your friends and everyone else in the world have someone whom we want to make proud, from whom we want a pat on the back, to whom we have to answer. When you know who that person is and something about him or her, you’re way ahead in helping the person on the other side of the table present the results of the negotiation in the best possible light. Many a time I have made a friend for life and preserved a favorable result by suggesting ways to present the results of our negotiation to that special person.
A quick aside: When negotiating with your teenager, many parents often are frustrated because the teenager truly believes that he or she shouldn’t have to answer to anybody. This attitude sets them temporarily adrift, without the social anchors that you worked so hard to lay all around them. You have no one to go to and nowhere to turn to find an ally because your teen is listening to no one, except perhaps some other teens whom you’re not all that enthusiastic about to begin with.
This lack of a “client” is one of the things that makes negotiating with teenagers so difficult. Forget about negotiating specifics when this happens. Lay your frustrations aside and try to tether that teen somewhere, anywhere, before he or she drifts out to sea. When you want to make an ally out of the person across the table, find out who the real client is and figure out how to make that person happy. Part of your job is to make your counterpart’s job easier. Do that, and you’ll come away with a better result and someone who actually may feel indebted to you.
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