Your awareness of the pause button sets you apart from other negotiators. But don’t worry if the other side is also aware of this technique. Don’t think of the pause button as a top-secret weapon because, when your negotiating counterparts have their own pause buttons, the negotiations proceed even more smoothly and come to a more satisfactory resolution. Sometimes you have the strong sense that the other person needs to push the pause button. Never say so in so many words. Instead, be very explicit about your need to take a break. Mince no words.
- “I need a break.”
- “You know, things are getting a little heated in here. Can I take five?”
- “Let’s call it quits for a while. Can we get together tomorrow morning to pick this back up?”
Consider how non-threatening those words are. Contrast that approach with sentences that use the word “you” a lot. For instance, “Hey, pal, you really need to cool off. Let’s take a break.” No matter how you tone that sentence down, the other party will put up resistance or react negatively. When you request a pause, you should focus on your needs and wants, not the other side. When someone else asks for a break, be very cautious before you resist it. If a person needs thinking time or needs a moment to regroup, allow it. In fact, take a break yourself. But be alert. If you conclude, after one or two breaks, that the other party is unfocused or is not paying attention, you may decide to try to extend a session. You have to distinguish between the other party using a pause button and the other party just being restless or tired. Allowing the other party to push the pause button, or pushing your own pause button, makes the negotiating process more focused, effective, and pleasant for everyone involved.
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