How to Tell the Other Party When You’re the One Walking Away

If you decide (based on your solid preparation and honest judgment) to terminate a negotiation, don’t send a conflicting message. State clearly the conditions under which negotiations can resume. Then walk. Don’t look back or otherwise communicate hesitation.
Looking back is not natural. The human body doesn’t work that way. Your feet and your face should point in the same direction. Besides, looking back is confusing — to you and to your counterpart.
Never terminate a negotiation when you are angry. When you are angry, you want to storm out of the room or slam down the phone. Fight the instinct. Instead, take a break. Before you walk away from the negotiation, give yourself some breathing room. If, after some thought, you want to terminate the negotiations, end the discussion in a way that doesn’t damage your reputation in the community — whether the community is your family, your firm, or your city. Do it in a way that allows you to do business with those who like or respect your current counterpart.
Before you walk away from the negotiation, write a wrap-up letter. Writing a letter gives you time to edit and correct yourself. It clarifies your view of the situation. If you are mistaken about some aspect of the discussion, your view is clearly stated and easy to correct. A letter puts things in perspective in case the other side is mistaken about some aspect of the situation. Your letter should cover each of the following:

1. Summarize the final position of the other side. Be painfully accurate. Introduce this section with hedge words, such as “I understand . . . ,” or “To the best of my memory . . . ,” or “If I understood you correctly. . . .” Close this section with “If that does not correctly state your position, please advise.” Such phrases enable the other side to change position or make a correction without losing face or being argumentative.
2. Summarize your own position. Be painfully accurate. Here again, hedge words let the other side reenter gracefully. Examples include: “In case it was not clear during our discussions . . . ,” or “I’m sorry if this was not presented as clearly in our discussions as it is in this letter.”
3. Explain about square pegs in round holes. If you simply don’t believe that a deal can be made because the needs and desires are so different, say so. No one is blameworthy. The parties can work together on another project when the fit is better.
4. Never, ever blame the other person. Even if you are walking away because you have decided the other person is a sleazebag, hog breath, scumbag, you won’t gain anything by putting that assessment in writing. The sleazebag may have a brother-in-law or cousin whom you may want to do business with in the future. Never burn a bridge — a bridge serves an entire village, not just one person.
5. Include a message of thanks. Always include in your letter a thank-you sentence for the time and attention you did receive. This final touch is the classy thing to do.
6. Telegraph your next move. This feature is optional. A sentence such as “We will try to sell the script elsewhere,” or “Next spring, we will try such a launch again” tells the other side that you have other options, and you will be exercising them. Of course, the sensitivity of the situation may limit you to a statement such as “We will be moving on,” or “We will be examining our options over the next few weeks.”