Don’t waste any time. Get started right now being a better listener. Whether you’re at home or at the office or on an airplane, start working on your listening skills. In your very next conversation, use two active listening tools: restatement and paraphrasing. Both of these tools involve checking in with the person who is talking to find out whether you’re hearing what he or she is saying.
- Restating: Repeat, word-for-word, a short statement that the other person has just made to you. Even if the next speaker is a flight attendant offering drinks, you can say, “Okay, so my choices are . . .” and rattle off the list. It’s harder than you think. But it’s a good start to raising your own awareness level about listening. You won’t use this technique all the time or in every circumstance, but it’s a good place to start.
- Paraphrasing: Recount, in your own words, the longer statements that the other person has said to you. You can use this technique far more often than the first. Don’t be embarrassed if you get it wrong a lot when you first start paraphrasing back. This is a good technique to use when someone is making a dense presentation and you want to be sure that you understand it, every step of the way. In either case, introduce your efforts with respect and good humor. Try starting with the phrase, “Let me see if I got that right. . . .”
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