Setting and Enforcing Limits

Setting limits and then sticking to them is one of the most important and most difficult lessons you can learn. This chapter tells you how to set limits and then how to use those limits to take charge of every negotiation in your personal and professional life.
If you’re like most people on this planet, you can use some pointers about enforcing limits. Many people don’t even want to think about setting limits because they have such a tough time enforcing them. At one time or another, you stayed in a relationship just a little bit too long because you never set your limits. You probably agreed to do something you didn’t want to do because you were unable to stick to your limits. Or you were angered by somebody because you failed to make your limits clear to him as he “crossed the line.”
To help you conquer this nearly universal problem, I divide it into two pieces. One is setting your limits. The other is enforcing your limits. The importance of limits shows up most clearly when you’re in a romantic relationship and you don’t want to think about it ending, so you don’t think about your limits. But when limits are crossed — when it’s often too late to correct the course of events — these words are heard: “Now you’ve done it! You have really crossed the line!”
Set your limits before you enter a negotiation. Setting limits early saves an enormous amount of time during the actual course of the negotiation because you already know your options. And knowing your options makes you more decisive during the discussions. Rapid decision making depends more on having your limits well in mind at the start of a negotiation than it does on intellect.
After you set limits, they will help guide you through the negotiation. When you carefully and realistically predetermine your limits, they serve as rudders, navigating the negotiation through rough waters. Worried about dirty tricks being thrown at you? Scared of unfair tactics? No worries, as long as you set your limits.