Ask, don’t tell

How you ask questions is very important in establishing effective communication.
Effective questions open the door to knowledge and understanding. But you must be watchful that asking questions does not evolve into you telling the other person instead of asking. You have probably heard a question like, “Isn’t it true that no one has ever charged that much for a widget?” or better yet, “Can you name one company that met such a deadline?” These are statements masked as questions. You usually can detect a shift from asking to telling by the tone of voice that the person uses as he or she asks these questions. The art of questioning lies in truly wanting to acquire the information that would be contained in the answer.
Effective questioning leads to the following:

• Establishing rapport: Don’t try to impress others with your ideas; instead, establish rapport and trust by eliciting ideas from them and expressing how much you care about hearing their ideas. Rapport is the ability to understand and to connect with others, both mentally and emotionally. It’s the ability to work with people to build a climate of trust and respect. Having rapport doesn’t mean that you have to agree, but that you understand where the other person is coming from. It starts with accepting the other person’s point of view and his or her style of communication.
• Better listening, deeper understanding: Oftentimes while you are talking, the other person is not listening but thinking about what he or she is going to say. When you ask questions, you engage the other person. He or she is much more likely to think about what you are saying. You lead the other person in the direction you want to take the conversation.
• Higher motivation, better follow-up: The right answer will not be imposed by your questions. It will be found and owned by the other person, who will be more motivated to follow it up. Most people are much more likely to agree with what they say than with what you say.