A case of the “yeah, buts”

One of the most self-destructive ways to listen in business and personal situations is listening with what I call the “yeah, buts.” This condition occurs when there is a kernel (or more) of truth in something negative that is being said but you don’t want to hear it. You are defensive about what the speaker is saying, so the first response out of your mouth is “yeah, but.” Whether you’re listening to a customer, boss, or spouse, you’ve got to put the automatic “yeah, but” response on hold. Watch out for responses like these:

• “Yeah, I know, but you’re not our only customer.”
• “Yeah, but honey, you’re always on my case about that.”
• “Yeah, but you always use that tone of voice with me.”

These responses keep you from hearing the other person. You block out any chance you have of learning something from this person. You want to say “I hear you” or “I understand” first. Then make sure that you do. Ask questions to find out as much as possible about what the other person is saying. Don’t stop until you fully understand what is being said; then — and only then — you can try to explain the situation. You will get more positive results this way.