Take notes during listening session

Taking notes is a great listening aid. Regardless of whether you ever refer to your notes again, the mere act of writing down the salient points boosts the entire listening process. Writing information down engages other parts of your brain, as well as your eyes and fingers, in the listening process. It’s almost impossible for a person to fully absorb an entire conversation of any length without making some written notes.

Making notes is important throughout every step of the negotiating process. Immediately after a negotiating session, review your notes to be sure that you wrote down everything you may want to recall, and that you can read everything you wrote down. Remember from your student days how confusing old notes can be: strange abbreviations, unintelligible squiggles, large coffee stains. When you are comfortable with your notes, consider providing a status report to the other side. A confirming memo is an excellent way to assure that you listened well. Writing down what you think you heard and verifying the material with the other side are positive experiences for both parties. However, if your counterpart believes that you recorded the conversation incorrectly, he or she may get angry and reject your version. You still win in such a case. Your memo serves an excellent purpose if the response reveals that you and your counterpart have conflicting views of the proceedings. Immediately thank the other party. Point out that you wrote the memo to be sure that you listened well and interpreted the discussion accurately.

You may not have listened carefully, but it’s just as likely that the other party is correcting a sloppy communication to you. People often change or refine their positions after they see them in black and white. Let that modification happen gracefully. When the other party provides a new version of the negotiation, simply change your notes. Don’t argue about the past conversation. Fighting over who said what seldom furthers the negotiations; identifying the opposing party’s position does. Remember: You write it out to get it right. In family meetings, recording negotiations and agreements is often just as important as it is in business meetings. Make a habit of writing down house rules of conduct for young children and chores for older children. I even know some couples who write out agreements between spouses or loved ones. That way, everyone is clear on the expectations. Your life is easier, and behavior is more consistent.