A slur of any kind

We are well into the 21st century and, in the United States at least, negative comments about the race, gender, sexual orientation, or national origin of another person are no longer widely tolerated. Many people are concerned with being “politically correct.” There are those who are offended at any inquiry that could even identify these traits, such as “What kind of a name is that?” Unless you know differently for sure, steer clear of the most innocent of references unless they are relevant.
If the information is irrelevant, you should even avoid neutral statements such as, “The person was a woman” or “The man was from China.” You may receive an angry response, such as “Just what is that supposed to mean?” “Why did you mention that?” Worse yet, the person you are speaking to may think those thoughts without verbalizing them. This situation raises a barrier to communication that you won’t even know exists. Even if you are with a group that seems to be quite open about expressing whatever they happen to think or feel about another group, don’t join in. Be discreet. You never know who may be suffering in silence — feeling outnumbered and helpless.
Oh sure, you may be able to disparage all members of a certain group in the privacy of your own home with impunity. But even there, I urge you to curtail such comments. Those attitudes are too easily passed on to the young, and the slurs have a nasty way of showing up in conversation outside the home. The last thing you want in a tough negotiation is to let an offensive phrase slip out just when you want to close. You can lose the deal you are working on and the trust and confidence of your counterpart in the negotiation. Unwitting slurs can stop a negotiation in its tracks. You may be pegged forever as a bigot; and some people don’t negotiate with bigots. If you have some bad habits in this area, work on cleaning up your language.

When negotiations get complicated

In simple negotiations, you can apply the six basic skills at previous posts without too much trouble. But what happens when a negotiation gets complicated? Complex negotiations happen when the negotiation becomes larger in scope, and the amount of work and organization requires more than two people (one on each side of the negotiating table) can handle alone. When the negotiation shifts from a two-person affair to a 20-person affair, the negotiation is complicated. On a personal level, a negotiation becomes complicated when you invest all your emotion and effort into getting the deal closed. For example, a salary negotiation, although simple in theory, carries a lot of emotional weight behind it.
No matter the size and factors involved in the negotiation, the six basic skills serve as your core to making the negotiation a success. Complicated negotiations often involve multiple issues, multiple parties, handling the media, and other fun factors.

Closing the deal

Sometimes deals don’t seem to close even when the parties are more or less in agreement on all the important issues. Sometimes this happens because someone in the room is being difficult. This takes all forms. Maybe a person is being a bully or trying to pull the wool over your eyes. Maybe someone is disrupting the proceedings by yelling or being bossy. Pushing past these problems involves pushing the pause button — hard. Take breaks as often as necessary so everyone has a chance to regroup. You are not the only person in the room who is affected by these people.
Sometime deals get hung up because of the other side’s tactics. You probably can list them as well as anyone: a constant change of position, playing good cop/bad cop, having to check with an invisible partner. When you run into one of these behaviors, push the pause button. When you’re on a break, analyze your opponent’s tactics, and when you return to the negotiating table, ask specific questions of the other side. Listen carefully to get around the obstruction. It’s the point where everything comes together, when two parties mutually agree on the terms of the deal. But how soon is too soon to close? The answer: It’s never too soon to close. You want to start closing as quickly and efficiently as possible — under reasonable parameters, of course. You don’t have to close the whole deal right away. You can close a piece of it by agreeing tentatively and moving on to other issues. Closing the deal isn’t always a smooth process. Sometimes you are dealing with someone who fears making a bad deal or is afraid of his or her boss who never likes a result no matter how good it is and how hard everyone worked. Again, ask a lot of questions to find out what is going on, and then help this person with his or her problem.
A good negotiator is often just someone who helps the other side understand all the good points of his or her proposal and gives the other person the tools and arguments to sell the proposal to whoever needs to be sold.

Push the pause button

Everyone has a pause button — a little device inside our heads that helps us maintain emotional distance in a negotiation. Some use it more than others. Others don’t use it all. The pause button can take many forms — it can be a break during a heated negotiation, or it can be a moment of silence when you don’t agree with someone’s argument.
When you use your pause button during a negotiation, you prevent yourself from saying things you may later regret. Your pause button also allows you a moment of reflection. When you don’t use your pause button, you may jump into a deal too quickly because you didn’t spend enough time thinking about your words and actions.
Never let your emotions take control of your actions. Figure out in advance what sets you off. Identify your hot buttons. When you know what upsets you, talk about it with others on your team so you and they are ready if this kind of situation arises. We all have hot buttons, so we may as well deal with them upfront. If a negotiation looks to be headed south and talks are at a standstill, don’t panic. Use your pause button. Think about the steps that got you to this point. Instead of making outlandish demands or angrily storming out of the negotiating room, take a breather and suggest meeting at a later time.

Always Make Yourself Clear

When I say be clear, I mean be clear in what you say and what you do. This sounds easier than it is. You must be sure that your actions, your body language, your tone of voice, and your words all send the same message. Are you as clear as you can be in your communications? You can rate yourself or ask those you love and trust. A good negotiator is an excellent communicator and understands how others think, feel, and function. But first, you must start by analyzing yourself.
Here are some tips for being clear: Know your purpose in speaking and cut the mumbo-jumbo. Keep all your commitments. If you say that you are going to get back to someone at 10 a.m., be sure that you get back to them at 10 a.m. In the rush of the workday, we often shortchange ourselves and others on clarity. When you say one thing and do another, you may confuse people. Good communicators are consistent communicators. When you become sensitive to being clear, you can start helping others. You can tactfully bring the tangent people back to the point of the conversation and subtly curb the interrupters. When you meet people who are unprepared, you can educate them and bring them up to speed. You can get some pointers on improving your clarity, as well as other’s clarity. (You’ll also find some tongue-in-cheek methods to really foul up communications.) As you master the six skills, you model them for others on your team and often to those on the other side of the table. And the negotiation goes all the better for it.

Are you a good listener?

The vast majority of people think they are good listeners. Instead of gratifying your ego with self-indulgent reassurance, take a survey to figure out if you’re a good listener. Find out the true state of your listening skills from objective evidence or those who will be brutally honest with you. Learning to listen is one of the most important skills to develop when negotiating. Before a negotiation, know the specific areas where you want to gather information. Listen attentively during the meeting. Get the most information you can, and you will have a successful negotiation. Check your bad listening habits at the door. Always expect to find something of value from the other person. The rewards of good listening skills are amazing. Stated affirmatively, here are some tips for becoming a good listener: Clear away the clutter in your office. Count to three before responding to a question so that the question (or comment) can sink in. Keep notes. Be sure that you are fully awake and present.
If you experience communication problems during a negotiation, it’s probably because you or the other party wasn’t listening.
Part of the listening process involves interaction between the two parties. Don’t be afraid to ask questions as you gather your information. When you ask questions, you refine the information you have received from the other party. Questions are a real power tool.
If you don’t get the information you want to receive, ask a follow-up question. And never, ever interrupt someone who is trying to answer a question you have asked.
Whatever you do, don’t accept any substitutes for the information you are seeking. Some folks will try to dodge a question or make a strong general statement instead of answering your specific question. If someone responds to your question without answering it, ask it a little differently. But don’t let them off the hook.

Setting Goal and Limit for Negotiation

The only way to achieve anything is to set goals. Sometimes your goal setting can be quite subconscious. This triggers the impulse purchase. You see something you want, you set your goal to acquire it, your hand goes out, you grab it, and it’s yours. That is a familiar retail scenario. In the business situation, setting goals is a more-serious, labor-intensive process. When setting goals, you need to have a brainstorming session where all the possibilities are explored for any given negotiation. Then you have to pare back your list so you have a manageable number of goals to work on. You don’t want to overload any single negotiation with all your hopes and dreams for all times. Go into a negotiation with an appropriate list of things to achieve.
The easiest and fastest way to keep your goals in mind is to write them down. This helps you visualize them and makes them real. Place them somewhere where you will see them on a daily basis. After you’ve written down your goals, ask yourself why your goals mean so much to you. Goals are led by your inner desires. Let your intuition guide you toward achieving them.

Before starting your next negotiation, ask yourself this simple question:
“What do I want out of this negotiation?”
Don’t be afraid to answer it.
Talk it out. Write it down.

After you’ve nailed down your goals, you need to set limits. Setting your limits simply means to determine the point at which you are willing to walk away from this deal and close the deal elsewhere. For instance, you set limits when you interview for a job by establishing the lowest salary you’ll accept. Setting limits is a scary thing. It takes practice for some people, but if you don’t do it, others will take and take and take as long as you keep giving. At some point, you realize that you have given too much — a line has been crossed — all because you did not set your limits ahead of time. If you find this happening to you.

Research the field and industry before negotiation

Research your industry. It’s as simple as that. A car dealer knows best about cars. A chemist knows best about chemistry. An art dealer knows best about art. If you’re going to negotiate in a world that isn’t familiar to you, research it. Know the players, know whom to talk to, study the terminology. Do whatever it takes to be the smartest guy or gal in the room.
You should definitely have your personal evaluation of everything being negotiated. You should also have a good idea of how the other party values whatever is being negotiated. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. You can even ask such questions of the person you are negotiating with. Asking questions shows the other party that you’re interested and willing to learn.
Be a constant student of the industry or business in which you work. People who have a spent a lifetime with a company bring added value to the company simply because of all the information they have stored in their heads. The more you know about the business environment in general and your company in particular, the better off you are.

Prepare yourself for the other person

When you know the guy you are sitting across the negotiating table, do research about that person. Knowing the the detail about the other person can help you better prepared in your negotiation and you can walk into a room with the comfort and knowledge about what you'll face.

The best case where you have to do research on someone's background is before a job interview. Maybe, you and an that person share a common past experience. When you show that you know a fact or two about the other person usually you could score points with the interviewer. In a negotiation, showing that you have prepared for the other person is also an important icebreaker before they get to the technical nitty-gritty. Besides these obvious benefits, knowledge of the other person let you know what you are against. Is this a reasonable person? Is he a bottom-line person person, or quality aspect is more important for him? Knowing what the other person's values allows you to highlight related aspects in your proposal. It is also important to determine the level of its authority. If the person having to obtain the approval of the people of several levels of the organization, it would be better to provide some written material of your proposal which can be reviewed by his superior.

How to prepare yourself for negotiation?

Preparing yourself for a negotiation means knowing yourself and what you want from yourself. This step takes some reflection and some planning. With adequate preparation, you boost your confidence and your performance during a negotiation. Know your strengths and weaknesses. For example, are you a good listener, or do you ignore what other people have to say?
What is your life plan? In a perfect world, what will you be doing in three years? This long-range thinking about your own life provides a context for every negotiation you have. After you create a vision of your future, create a plan that includes specific steps to turn your vision into reality. Your negotiations are likely to go astray if you don’t prepare your personal, long-range game plan before entering the negotiating room.

You also have to prepare yourself for specific negotiating situations. The better you know your own needs, the more easily you can do this. For example, if you’re not a morning person, don’t let someone schedule a conference call for 7:30 in the morning.

When negotiation is necessary?

Any time you ask someone to say yes or to do something for you or to get out of the way so you can do it, you are negotiating. You negotiate all day long, whether you realize it or not. You are negotiating when you

• Ask your boss for a salary increase
• Ask the cable guy for a more-specific time to show up at your house
• Try to hurry up the cable guy when he is late
• Decide to marry (This is a lifelong negotiation.)
• Try to enforce a curfew with your kids

Negotiating occurs in all aspects of life. It happens in your personal life (marriage, divorce, and parenting), in business, in government, and among nations. For example, at the time of this writing, the United States is in heated negotiations with the Untied Nations council to revise a U.N. resolution on
North Korea for conducting a nuclear test. The resolution may result in strict sanctions against the North Koreans. So a negotiation can be on a global scale or on a personal scale, such as “Honey, please put the seat down.” If you’re attempting to resolve a dispute, agree on a course of action, or bargain for individual advantage, you are in a negotiation, like it or not. The goal is to reach a resolution that is acceptable to you and that will work for both parties. If that’s not possible, try to find such an agreement elsewhere.