Steering Others to Clarity

Nobody wants to be a bad communicator. Most people are insulted if someone tells them they are difficult to understand. At the beginning of my seminars, I discuss the basic skills needed in every negotiation. Then I ask students to rate themselves on these skills. I have never had anyone in any seminar describe himself or herself as a poor communicator — even those who say that communication is the area that they need to work on the most. When the other party is not being clear, your job is to steer that person toward concise communication. Don’t just toss them this book (although it may make a nice gift). Coax from your counterpart a clear statement of intentions, wants, and needs. Your technique for acquiring this information depends on the type of person you are dealing with. The following sections contain some tips for accomplishing this important task. Each section is devoted to a personality type you may encounter.

Tangent people
Some people are not clear because they ramble; that is, they go off on a tangent.
• Listen up to a point. You are listening especially for a good point to break into their discourse so you can bring them back to the topic.
• Be assertive when you interrupt. Not impolite, but firm.
• Your first statement should be a validation, “Yes, you’re right. Now, as to the purpose . . .” That’s how you get people with this type of communication pattern back on track.

Interrupters
These people even interrupt themselves. They lose their train of thought while they are speaking and tend to jump from point to point.
• Take careful notes while an interrupter is talking. But don’t write the ideas down in the order they are presented. Write a topic heading. Make notes, and when the speaker switches topics, leave a lot of space. Write a new topic heading and the notes. When the speaker switches back to a previous topic, go back to that topic section and continue your note taking.
• Concentrate and stay focused. This is hard work.
• Keep reminding the speaker of the most recent statement before the interruption. Don’t leave until you get a specific answer.
• Be appropriate but keep pressing with your own specific questions.

Unprepared people
Some people may have difficulty getting fully prepared for negotiations. For whatever reason, they never seem to have all the answers. You can do one of two things:
• Postpone the meeting.
• Conduct the meeting at the unprepared party’s office. Tactfully invite your counterpart’s support people who may know more about the subject.